12/12/08

I took this photo in Australia few months ago and of all the photos this is my favourite one. It relax me and make me feel calm and relaxed.

This is the time of year where you want to get silent and gather all your thoughts and emotions... Think about what the new year will have. What other surprises - good or bad..

In 2008 I have had my ups and downs and at the end of this year I am just happy to still have 2 healthy little girls and we all have our health..
My heart is a little bit broken but apparently no medication can help for this....... I wonder if someone can get a remedy for broken heart. Or a Vaccination against having your heart broken. Cause at this stage the only vaccination you have is to not love and not allow anyone to love you. BUT how sad is that? It is amazing to love someone and when someone love you back there is no words to describe that feeling. But then when your heart is in thousand pieces that is where you think to yourself if this was all worth it? And YES it is. It is amazing to love someone....

I hope if you look at this photo you will have the same sort of feeling of piece and love and knowing that we owe it to ourselves to open our hearts to the one you love.

Life is short and we don't know when our last day is. I know if my last day was today I had a full life.

I loved & lived to the fullest of my potential....

Liz-Babes............

I have turned 30 last week and I love being where I am, 

What I have become and how much I have achieved in the past 3 years after the D -  Word!!

I have done so much self search and research, which helped me so much. There is so many emotions people go through after divorce where there are kids involved the emotions just quadruple but for single mothers that is nothing new. 

I have discovered in the past period of time that there are so much than breaking up or being in love or not. Once you discover the REAL things in life that is when MR RIGHT walks into your life without any warning. And the most important part is for you to be ready when he walks in your life. Otherwise he will pass you by. 

I have discovered to love myself and my life to make peace with the fact that I did fail at my marriage but that it is in the past and it will do no good for anyone to dwell on the past.

The biggest mistake people do after breaking up or divorce is to go straight into the "dating business" it is like trying to go on the sea with a leaking boat or bunji jump with no strings attach there is a short period of fun and laughter that will take away the pain for a short period of time but as you hit the ground all the emotions comes flowing back. 

I wish to share with you in the next month the most important lessons I have learned after my divorce and recent break up more than a year ago,.

Until next time

Liz

This is my invitation created by Alistair.... My party was one of the best days I have had in a long time. My friends Darnel and Susan sent me off to the hairdresser where I was pampered and treated like a bride. No wait I was a bride before but I have not felt that special even on my wedding.

Thank you guys for making my 30th unforgettable. 

Meet Al.......

This is the guy in my life....

YES I am still alive.......

Hi.

Let me first explain why I have not been on the blog for a while. I finished my exams, moved twice.... and yes met a new man......

I will add his photo here in the near future.. But for you now you can go and look on my facebook page cause he is there...

So you can assume that everything is going great. The kids get bigger more and more and I dont know how I get by day by day. But I do with the help of my friends and family. Thank God for them

For those of you who dont know this, mum has been diagnosed with cancer again.. 3rd time......

But the good news is the cancer have not spread anywhere. So at least they will have a close eye on her and with all the support and prayers from all our friends and family got us through the past 3 weeks again.

That made me realize one thing isn't it funny how we go throug life "forgetting" about God untill there is something wrong with us or we desperately need something?? Don't we teach our kids to not just be nice to us when they want somethimg? And yet we do it to God ALL THE TIME...

God have seen me through getting on a plane with two kids coming to a land that I knew NOTHING about. He sent me a great angel - WE ALL KNOW WHO THAT IS... Thank you to my 1st angel in NZ - Ross Barber...

Then he sent me my two best friends Darnel and Susan.... You are my favourite angels..... You are still there for me whenever I need you and when I cry I know you guys literaly cry with me and when we laugh WE LAUGH!!!!

Then there are all these other people that I cannot imagine my life without... And then after almost a year of soal search and tears and doubt about Ross etc. I met him - I am tooo scared to even say it but HE MAY BE THE ONE>>>>

I have met the most amazing man. He is great with Merische and Philna and everything is just great. I sometimes think that it is to good to be true. But maybe it is my turn to have some luck?

I love every moment I spent with him and maybe this is God's way of showing me that is how I am suppose to be treated...

Thank you for every ones phone calls and messages..

I love you all..

ME

xxx

A child is there to show us what real beauty is....

This is how I feel lately!!!!!!!!!!!

Why do humans do this to one another???

This is the question I am struggling with all day!! Why do we do this to another human? Recently I have learned so much about life, love, rejection, hurt and lies. Since my break up with Ross 7 months ago I never thought it would be possible to fall in love again. To have the butterfly feeling! I did fall in love with a great guy (well I thought he was). How did I fall for the lines that was all lies. I worked so hard in this 7 months to fix my broken heart. Just for someone to break it again in 7 seconds?!
Why drag someone into a web for no reason other than hurting that person. I dont know if I am more upset with this person or more upset with myself for even THINKING I could be happy again... I just hope these people realize at some stage what it feels like to get hurt so badly..

x

Why does it still hurts???

Why is it still so painful to just listen to the music we use to listen to? If I hear our song? Why do I still wake up some nights feeling "nothing" next to me? Why is there still a tear rolling down my face when I see a picture like this one? Why Why Why? How can two people be so far apart and still stay so connected? You filled a big part of my life and my heart and it is all gone. I think you are truly the one man, I think the firs man I have truly loved. And I think it is the same with you. I miss the way we use to laugh and play and the way you called me "liz-babe"

I just miss you tonight.

How could trying to give you the one thing you always wanted "killed" what we had? Or was it just me that lived in a fantasy world? No it cant be! It is like you said "you were there, you felt it every time" The way we said nothing to each other, cause sometimes there was just no need for words. "You say it best when you say nothing at all"

Thank you Ross for showing me how to love and thank you for loving me.

I will always love you.
Liz-Babes

Happy Vaelentine's day to everyone!!! Today I think back to the day that I had my first love 15 years ago.... and so much happened between then and now..... so many tears and broken hearts....

I think today of the people that I gained and some people that I have lost due to all different reasons. I miss each and every person today that I loved and still love today.

Today on the 14th February 2008 I am single, have a valentine (one must always have a valentine) but I am happy. I have 2 stunning girls who adores me!! I don't ask for much more than that. I have lots of friends in my life that cares about me.

Life is good. Enjoy Valentine's day... May you all feel loved

Till we meet again......

I cant wait to see you again...

I TOLD YOU IT WORKS!!!!

We made peace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well we talking again....And I feel better and I am smiling again, so I think that is what they call it making peace...

That is enough for me because the past few days were horrible. I hate fighting with him. I never ever want to fight with you again.
Sometimes in life something very special comes along and then you realize you have to change your behaviour.. I think I have met that person. I cant stand the thought of hurting him, previously I would have said "Accept me the way I am, I am not changing" - I am going to work on my mistakes, I should have done this years ago but have never met anyone who made me realize I should change my ways...

Have a great day........

The Secret by Rhonda Byrne

If you do not have a copy of The Secret I think you should go and get one. I have recently started to listern to the cd. I thought it was going to be easy to do what they tell you to do. But it is not, I realized now how negative I was thinking all the time and then I started to visualize how I met this amazing person then I met him. I was amazed, then the moment I tought of the negative issues that there was - he was gone. The negative problems that me and him were discussing all the time became true. Instead of focussing on the amazing thing that happened between us we thought of all the negative things. Wich destroyed what we had. It may sound silly to you but believe you me I was certain that he was put in my life for a reason (I still believe we will meet again, that is my own secret shhhhhhhhhttt)

I will have to work every day so hard to get all these negatives thought out of my system. I opened myself for positive and happy things. I know I could do it once - I can do it again......

I will keep you updated and give you some positive highlights out of the book.......

Some friends are forever......

Sometimes in life, you find a special friend: someone who changes your life by being a part of it.

Someone who makes you laugh until you can't stop, someone who make you believe that there really is good in the world.

This is forever friendship.

When you're down and the world seems dark and empty,
your forever friend lifts you up in spirit and makes that dark and empty world suddenly seem bright and full.

If you find such a friend,
you feel happy and complete.
You have a forever friend for life.

I recently met a forever friend.....
Even though we have some issues now, I believe in my heart our paths crossed for a reason and I hope he will forgive me...

Be my forever friend!!!

I am sorry if you cannot understand afrikaans, but today's post have to be in afrikaans. I feel lonely and miss everything that meant so much to me.

Vandag het ek heimwee, heimwee oor dinge wat lankal gebeur het. Dinge waaroor ek geen kontrole oor gehad het nie... Ek mis my land en my mense.

Moenie my verkeerd verstaan nie, die tweede kans wat hier vir my en die kinders gegun is is wonderlik en ek neem dit nie vanselfsprekend aan vir een oomblik nie.

Maar vanoggend is ek hartseer as ek nie afrikaans op my radio kan luister oppad werk toe nie (my SA cd's is almel gekrap van oor en oor luister)
Ek is hartseer oor ek nie vir die verpleegster kan se "Goeie More" nie.
Ek is harsteer vanoggend oor die patiente wat hier inkom nie 'n benul het van my pyn nie. Maar dan gebeur iets wonderliks. Ek hoor agter my "More Lizelle" dis die Suid Afrikaanse doktor wat hier werk..... Dit voel of ek hom wil oorval en druk, maar besef nie hy of sy vrou sal dit dalk waardeer nie (hahaha)

Dan raak ek hartseer as ek my kinders hoor praat soos 'n kiwi... Die afrikaans is nog baie goed, maar na die tweede ry van afrikaans slaan hulle maar oor engels toe... Dit maak my hart seer as ons by skool byeenkomste sing "God of Nations" en ek besef hulle sal nooit "Uit die blou van onse hemel" leer of sing nie erger nog hul sal nie dieselfde emosies ervaar as die springbokke uit volle bors "Khosi" sing nie....

Ek besef vandag het ek net heimwee na die goeie. Want dan sien ek hoe my 6 & 7 jarige op hulle fietse parkie toe ry (alleen) en hulle lag. As ons na die publieke parke toe gaan is daar letterlik 100de kinders en ouers. En ek vrees nie vir een oomblik my kinders se lewe tussen al die 100de mense nie, daar is nie gedreun van musiek tussen die kinders en ouers nie maar kinders se lag en skater is die musiek. Mense loop hand aan hand..... almal is ontspanne.... en ek dink terug aan toe ek 'n kind was toe ons nog na parke toe kon gaan. En ek besef weereens hoe geseend is ons om hier te kan wees.

Ek weet ek vang sommer 'n depro vandag, more voel ek weer beter....
Dit was net lekker om vandag weer in my eie taal te kon tik en te kon dink....

Liefde vanuit NZ
Lizelle

I am sorry!!! I will miss you forever.....

Why do I always do this?? Everytime something good comes in my life I have the ability to scare it out of my life.
I will not get over this mistake very easy in my life. This was truly one of the nicest things that ever happened to me. Is it that I dont know how to handle happiness? Why do I find it so hard to believe that something good can happen to me?
Or maybe it is a part of my heart that was healed that is scared of breaking again?

I was so happy! For such a short time.... I laughed in the morning when I woke up, I went to bed with a smile. I laughed for no reason during the day! For once I had hope, was positive. With one txt I destroyed it...

Can I do anything about it now? No! That is the hard truth.... Now I have lost all hope and I have to think to myself maybe you are meant to be unhappy for the rest of your life??

For the record I loved the way I felt this past 2 weeks, It was amazing to had dreams again...

Back to reality now again though!!!

Maybe in 2010!!!!

This is for you!! You know who you are......

Something in your eyes makes me want to loose myself, makes me want to loos myself, in your arms.

There's something in your voice makes my heart beat fast, hope this feeling last for the rest of my life.

If you knew how lonely my life has been and how long I have been so alone.

If you knew how I wanted someone to come along and change my life the way you've done.

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me it feels like I'm all the way back where I come from. It feels like I'm where I belong...

A window breaks down the long dark street and the siren wake in the night. But I'm all right cause I have you here with me and I can almost see through the dark there is light. if you knew how much this moment means to me and how long I'v waited for youre touch and if you knew how happy you make me.

Never thought I could love anyone this way........

What do you say???

Don't know much about your life,

don't know much about your world.

You don't know about my past and I have not a future figured out and maybe this is going to fast - maybe its not meant to last......

But what do you say to taking chances. What do you say jumping off the edge, never knowing if there is solid ground below or hand to hold or hell to pay..

What do you say...

I just want to start again. Maybe you can show me how to start, maybe you could take me in - somewhere underneath your skin....

Talk to me like lovers do... walk with me like lovers do.

January is almost finished....
How scary is this.... The first month of the new year has come and gone. My life gets more and more interesting by the day.

It will be my kids second full year in NZ and they are doing so well. I am amazed by how strong kids are. They just go on. No matter the situation. No phonecalls, no letters, no postcards NOTHING from their dad!!
How do a little girl of 6 and 7 year old justify in her little mind that her dad "erased" her from his life???
How do I explain the promise I gave them 3 years ago when we divorced "Dad & I still love you very much, we can never divorce from you !" Little did I know that there is actually persons that can erase their own flesh. Sad but true....

I am starting my studies in Feb in Managing business with accountancy.... I will let you guys know how that is going...

I will have to update my blog daily.. There is so many things happening in my life...

I miss you my friends......
xxxx

Why do you think people meet each other?
What I mean with that is Do you believe in fate?
I have met so many people in my life and I know they all were there for a reason...

Ek het met iemand begin kontak maak in AMERIKA ek is in NZ.. hoe ons mekaar opgespoor het is nog meer scary.. maar dit tot later... Ek het lanklaas iemand ontmoed en met ontmoed beteken dit tog obviously - jy het al die persoon gesien!! Nie ek nie neeeeeeeeeeee net gechat & gesien op internet... Elke keer as daar 'n mail van hom af is dan gebeur daar iets met my gesig ek dink hulle noem dit 'n glimlag, maar daai glimlag wat jou oe saam lag en almal kyk na jou en dink by hulleself "wanneer laas het iemand my so laat glimlag" maar dan moet ek realisties wees en dink Amerika - Nz dis nou nie asof ons vir mekaar elke naweek sal sien nie. Die kans dat ons mekaar ooit sal sien is seker ZERO!!! Maar dit vat nie daai feelling weg nie. Dit vat nie die warm gevoel in jou hart weg nie....
Die snaakste ding about it is dit voel of hierdie man al my hele lewe lank ken!

As jy dit lees jy daar in Amerika hoop ek jy besef jy maak my glimlag elke oomblik van die dag... (hy sal vertaan hy is suid afrikaner lol)

Mag elkeen van julle iemand in julle lewe het wat julle laat glimlag met net 'n "Hi daar!!"

ekke
xx

hope this feeling last for the rest of my life......